Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize