that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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