we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
