Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
