Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
