if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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