Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
