You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
