That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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