She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All the doctor said was why
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
