So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
