i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
