booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
