Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
