I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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