things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
