Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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