Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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