Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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