you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
two words: eviction party
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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