I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
