At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
