i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I supernannyed him into submission
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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