apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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