she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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