Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
