he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
