OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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