So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
