Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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