Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
