Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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