I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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