Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
