it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
