Will you blow on my dice?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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