I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
