I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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