I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
