So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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