You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
