I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize