We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
