mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
