If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
