Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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