This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
