"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
