That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
