Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
nutella sex= disaster
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize