it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
