It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
