Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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