I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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