I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
vagina is talking i cant
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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