if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
