I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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