I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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