So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
