News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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