so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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