do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
