the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
