i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
