Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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